Lights Shining In The Darkness

Home from the holidays…

Wed, 30 Dec 2009 17:09:46 GMT

…took a trip up to Texas for Christmas, that’s where Dylan lives now, with her grandma. It was the longest trip I’ve ever done by car, and we nearly doubled the amount of states I’ve visited in my lifetime. Weather forecasts predicted warm and sunny weather, so we were completely unprepared for the 30 degree and snowing weather we received, but we adjusted. It was awesome having a white christmas, first time EVAR.

Seeing Dylan was of course wonderful. She is in full blown teenage mode, spending almost all of her time either talking with her many boyfriends, or taking pictures of herself. We got a good deal of time with her, a few nights with us at the hotel, and almost every day.

I got to meet Sondra’s sister Kriti, her stepdad Jimmy, and see her mom again. Lots of good food, and good fun. Met Mike’s Mom and stepdad, met his Dad and stepmom for a second too. The first meeting was pretty awkward, but they had us back Christmas eve for drinks and snacks and we all had a nice time, before Sondra drove us back through town in the ice and sleet.

It was an uncomfortable experience for Sondra and I both I think, going back home, and being so far away from any of my comforts… but we pulled through, as always, and had an amazing time with one another.

Hope all of you had a great holiday too. And a Happy New Year!

Things could be worse I suppose...

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 17:14:51 GMT

...morning. Been a long week since we got back from the birthday weekend in California.

I just wanted to do a quick update. I mentioned a little while back how much I dig my new job. Feeling involved, essential to the company, etc. Well, I believe all of that to still apply, but yesterday was my 3 month review. Now when I got hired onto the job, I was informed that I would be getting a $3 pay raise at 3 months, with insurance benefits as well. As it turns out, my raise is only $1.50.

Still, nothing to shake a stick at, pending another 3 month evaluation to get the full $3 raise. I am thankful to be working, thankful to have a job that I can do relatively well at, just a bit pissed off that the deal had been altered.

When I consider the insane amount of work, over and above what I signed on for with this gig I get really pissed. So I am trying not to do that. I voiced my frustrations to him, which is when he brought up the six month review... so I will keep plugging away for that, and be happy with the FACT that I am gainfully employed.

Thanks.

Busy, busy, busy...

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 21:39:54 GMT

...so I work in a call center. A very small call center. When I started three months ago, we had 7 employees total, including the CEO/President. Now, we are up to 19. An insane amount of growth, that NONE of us working here feel secure in justifying. We all began as simple telemarketers and now, all but 3 of us, find ourselves in the position of being project managers, organizing events, scheduling data, handling client calls... a rather huge change!

I for one am seriously enjoying myself. For all the pain and stress, Andy, my boss is one of the nicest guys I've ever met!

(Don't hold the McCain/Palin bumper sticker on his bumper against him)

He has hired almost exclusively, female ex-con's of all ages and demographics, pays better than anyone else I have come across in the industry, and he puts more trust in his employees than any boss I have ever seen. He is transparent, and with regards to the business and its success or failures, he wears his heart on his sleeve. I cannot tell you all how many times I've come across him on Thursday afternoon before payroll, while he is struggling to close some business to get us all paid. And according to the other girls working here, in three years, he has ever bounced a check.

This is really my first opportunity with a company like this, where I have this kind of a personal investment in making or breaking the company. Its nice, really nice to be able to measure your worth in an organization, and to have a boss who actively goes out of his way to let yo know on a daily basis what an asset you are, and how much he personally appreciates what you bring to the floor.

The downside to all of this is that by choosing to feel committed and invested in this company, means that my workload is broader and more intense than I have ever experienced before. I am taking work home tonight for the first time, I am certain not the last. I have worked close to a fifty hour work week every week since I've gotten here, this week included... but again, for the time being at least, it is a magical feeling to be at the heart of something so fragile as our little organization. And as I am sure some of my friends out there will agree, it is GOOD to be employed period!

Thanks,

Kevin.

Help and hope in other spells…

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 22:47:54 GMT

…I am looking for a good program for previewing and purchasing new music.

When I bought my new router, I got a coupon for 50 free downloads from emusic. FYI, emusic is shit! None of the music I wanted was available on my free 50 songs, and even when it was it was the most cumbersome process trying to get the downloads going.

My friends in Buckeye recommend Rhapsody. My girlfriends kid recommends I just gank the songs I want from Limewire…

…what a Pickle!

Happy Turkey day!

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 06:59:36 GMT

So, another Thanksgiving has come and gone.

This one has been, and will continue to be I am sure, a strange one. Sondra's mother came to town on Sunday night with the Pickle, we are here living with my mother, and for the Holiday today, my mother invited over HER mother for the first time ever. A very matriarchal day indeed!

And somehow we have survived. Alot has come to light this week, possibly explaining much of the difficulties we have been having with life these past two years, (more on this later). And a strange moment of recognition for me with my HGA.

The next six months hold an awful lot of potential in their midst, for someone who is willing to put forth the work. I am incredibly appreciative of everyone's support this past year, and I look forward to ensuring that my next years harvest is full of fruit that me and my lover have sown, and reaped ourselves.

Under the cover of night, I send out all light and love.

Star Sapphire class

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 06:51:30 GMT

So Friday nights class on the Star Sapphire seemed to go over very well. I presented what to me where a number of rather new ideas with regards to the rituals performance and the theories behind the performance of the ceremony, and most everyone seemed to have gotten some food for thought.

So I was just gonna post a couple of points to see what folks thought.

Type your cut contFirstly, a comment on the start of the ritual proper, where Crowley states "He gives the L.V.X. signs, or if he know them, if he will and dare do them, the signs of N.O.X...." Most authors, Duquette and every commentator online I have found take this to mean that the N.O.X. formula is the more valid of the two rituals. That L.V.X. is a beginners formula, and once the magician has achieved a certain degree of mastery, that they would then be ready for N.O.X.. My argument rather, is that the L.V.X. formula is extroverted, that the magician performing this particular set of signs, could to great effect be focused on issues related outside of his or her magic circle, whether material aims or really any effect that is outside of their immediate sphere. Light in extension right?

The N.O.X. signs, give on the contrary, the formula of Light in contraction, right? The absorption of the light. So I argue that this formula is very well suited for rituals with mystical aims in mind. This being the reasoning I think for Crowley extending the four powers of the Sphinx as the prerequisite for their practice. The path of the annihilation of the self is one that can only be achieved in silence, and silence is the most elusive of the Sphinx's powers. The performance of these two, contrasted sets of signs has more to do I believe with intent than with any particular sense of mastery.

Second, I discussed at length what I understand to be the nature of the formula of Ararita. I am a second rate qabbalist when it comes to the history of such names, I know my Hebrew, and the meanings behind it, and for the most part I've done my reading, Liber 813 and its corresponding chapters in 777. And in my experience, Ararita has more to do with the formula of Love under Will, than it does with a blanket statement of the Godhead's united nature. What I mean by that, is that Ararita, represents not just the essential unity of God, but the formula of uniting every idea with its opposite that exposes the true unity that lies at the heart of the world, the yod in the midst of the Hexagram.

Then, what to me has been the most cryptic aspect of the ritual, "Then shall Set appear in the circle, let him drink of the sacrament and communicate the same." The mythology of Set is varied, it was really quite difficult to decide how to teach something on this subject. I finally just decided to read a bit of my personal reflections and study of Set. And I'll just insert that here, as I dont know that I could be more articulate:

Set- The Wanderer in the Desert

The character of Set has one of oldest and most varied mythologies of the Egyptian pantheon. This short description represents my personal study and revelation of Set within my own Magic Circle.

Set is the hidden light, the secret power that lies within death; just as Horus (his brother/nephew,) is that light revealed and projected forth.

As is found in much of his mythology, he is the spirit within the dark night that threatens ever to devour the solar bark of Ra. But he is also that darkness as understood in a modern world, where night no longer threatens to destroy the sun, but continuously houses and nurtures its perpetual fire. He is related to Satan, to Saturn, and so to Capricorn (see The Book of Thoth, Chapter on the Devil card,) and thus he is the creative force in its most material manifestation. He is the spirit of the south, the heat and fire of the desert that devours men. Also, he is violent destruction, that which consumes; I like to remember here that one rendition of his name, (Shin Tau) enumerates to 800, or Pe' final, he is then The Blasted Tower of the tarot, that which breaks apart and disperses. As we find in his myth that he betrays and destroys the body of his brother the King, Osiris, and disperses his carcass across the heavens. Osiris, who through this death is resurrected as Asar un Nefer "myself made perfect" ruler and vanquisher of death.

This Blasted Tower is not all darkness, it is the lightening flash, that which makes clear, and illuminates the world, a very special form of illumination, not the kind of scientific reason, the kind that builds up hypothesis. Set's is the light that illuminates all; the light that exposes and breaks down our knowledge, leading us to the place of Understanding. It should be remembered here that this lightening flash as it is taught by the initiated, is also the flashing sword, that traces the path of the Tree of Life, and which guards the passage back to the garden of Eden. Back to that state of being where Man and God walked together as one.

Set, then, in relation to this ritual, is that which consumes the sacrament, which as we see with the formula of the Hexagram, and of Ararita, is either the Magician's perfected self, if he be using the N.O.X. formula, or, if L.V.X., then the magician's intent. I suppose in the end, these notions are indistinguishable. But for myself, in practice, they have yeilded different fruits.

Thanks all, for listening. Hope you enjoyed the thoughts.

Kevin.

ents here.

Having a rough one today...

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 21:56:33 GMT

...I dont know if its just feeling the strain of turning thirty next week... or if its the strain of living with my mother again... or the stress of the holidays or what, but lately, when I find the time to have a moment alone, I am feeling down. Introspective and heavy...

Dylan and her Grandma are in town this week. The past three weeks of setting up this Thanksgiving week has been stressful, but no more than any other holiday.

But more and more, I feel like just heading for the hills, and getting the hell out of the worlds way for awhile.

Still working on the notes for Friday's Star Sapphire class...

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 02:30:10 GMT

...just hopped out of the shower. On my way to grab some new clothes up at the ROSS up the street.

Its strange to actually have a little money to buy myself luch today, in mid-week, Full 5 days after I got paid, and paid off some bills.

Picked up a copy of Sexual Symbolism the other day, the combo of Richard Payne Knight's and Thomas Wrights works on Phallic worship... only got through the intro so far, but I am excited. I'll try to keep you all posted on how it turns out.

All light and Love friends.

Kevin.

Coming back to LJ...

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 17:28:36 GMT

Work is driving me crazy!!! Making it harder and harder for us to make sales on one end, stripping down our commission structure on another!!! Grrrr!!!!

Two notes, for my friends not on FB...

Sun, 19 Apr 2009 09:59:23 GMT

Yeah, so its been an awful long time since Ive updated anything over here, I wrote these on Facebook earlier today, and just thought that I would post em, since I am feeling extraordinary wonderful today:

This one was titles: Awesomeness:

Hello world. I am in a fine mood today, so I thought that I would write a note, to tell the world why.

First off, Congratulations Southern California OTO!!! Star Saphire Lodge OTO is alive and kicking in the hills of La Crescenta! Woohoo! (Thank you E.C.)

Secondly, I have a job, and not just any old odd-job, but a real live good job! I know that its good, because yesterday, I got my first paycheck that, with remarkably little effort, soon became cold hard cash in my hands by means of a minor transmutation...

Thirdly, I am so fucking in Love with my Baby, Sondra, who is here by my side, prepping for Mass tomorrow, looking absolutely gorgeous!!!

and lastly, I have a new book, that I bought with my own two hands, with monies that I made with my own two hands, that I am now holding, between my own two hands!!! Yeah! And, all signs seem to point to this being a most excellent book! Its called Giordano Bruno & the Kabbalah by Karen de Leon-Jones. She was a student of Ioan Culianu, and from reading the first chapter has written this work at least in part to expand on the work of Frances Yates, (one of my personal heroes,) who focused mainly on Bruno's Hermeticism and his Art of Memory, by uncovering the Kabbalistic influences and new directions Bruno takes in his 'Expulsion of the Triumphant Beast' and in his 'Eroici Furori.'

-Yeah... I am stoked. You are looking at one incredibly happy Kevin right now! Im gonna go curl up with my Love and bask in this feeling for a bit.

And... Here is the other, posted just a few moments ago:

Titled: In Search of Calling:

Fuck. I have been a dabbler in various arenas for more years than I could care to count, art, rhetoric, even, in some respects occultism, though this last is truly a huge part of my psychological make-up. And I have found myself tonight, running around this little apartment as giddy as a school boy, a grin from ear to ear, putting a smile on my Lovers face the likes of which I haven't seen in months... like for a few moments, all the stress and pain that has become near second nature these past several months were washed away, and I awoke renewed...and all because of words scribbled in this silly little book.

As I have studied the works of Frances Yates, her predecessors, and contemporaries over the years, I have come to appreciate a passion in me for the subject of Renaissance thought that surpasses near all else in my life! And I found a new book today, by chance, on the shelves of a Borders booksellers of all places, a book written as a Master's Thesis, a summation of this particular student's diligent work over the course of her program...

...I'm only 35 pages in, but already, she has raised questions, and ideas, that I myself have often thought about with regards to Bruno, and the Occult philosophy, of Kabbalah and the Art of Memory; subjects that I have taught about in public classes, discussed with friends, as well as alone, in the dark, as though I were sharing that cell with my brother Giordano... listening, and speaking at the stars... yet she has channeled her love for this time, for these ideas into something intensely beautiful, something that I can share with her, that I can hold, this fills me with the same life-blood that I feel coursing through its pages... and I stand here feeling so alive...

...and yet, so much like a blind hunter, like I am chasing my prey as through a dense forest, with only the sound of its hoof-beats to guide my way.

**sigh**

The lightening has struck! It has carved an image into my soul like a flaming sword, and made my blood to quicken! I can feel it here now, tonight, guiding me home.

Attention my computer savvy friends!!!

Tue, 17 Feb 2009 01:17:29 GMT

Good afternoon all,

Lady Saffir and I are currently in possession of a Dell Inspiron 1150 laptop that a friend donated to us. After about three hours in our possession the dern thing no longer charged. At first I thought that it might be the battery, but Saffir thought that it could quite probably be the power cord.

I am wondering if anyone out there might have a matching cord or one that is comparable to test it out on, as we don't have the $$$ to just up and buy a battery if that isn't the problem.

Any assistance on this would serious be a HUGE help towards Saffir, and myself getting some footing back underneath us.

Thanks in advance.

-Kevin.

Book Meme from Z111

Sat, 07 Feb 2009 07:01:06 GMT

The Big Read thinks the average adult has only read six of the top 100 books they've printed below.

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your own LJ so we can try and track down these people who've read 6 and force books upon them.

1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austin
2. The Lord of the Rings – JRR Tolkien
3. Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte
4. Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5. To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee
6. The Bible
7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10. Great Expectations – Charles Dickens
11. Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12. Tess of the D'Urbervilles – Thomas Hardy
13. Catch 22 – Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare (ALMOST)
16. The Hobbit – JRR Tolkien
17. Birdsong – Sebastian Faulks
18. Catcher in the Rye – JD Salinger
19. The Time Traveler's Wife _ Audrey Niffenegger
20. Middlemarch – George Eliot
21. Gone With The Wind – Margaret Mitchell
22. The Great Gatsby – F Scott Fitzgerald
23. Bleak House – Charles Dickens
24. War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy
25. The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams
26. Brideshead Revisited – Evelyn Waugh
27. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28. Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck
29. Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll
30. The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Grahame
31. Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy
32. David Copperfield – Charles Dickens
33. Chronicles of Narnia – CS Lewis
34. Emma – Jane Austen
35. Persuasion – Jane Austen
36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe – C.S. Lewis
37. The Kite Runner _ Khaled Hosseini
38. Captain Corelli's Mandolin – Louis De Bernieres
39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40. Winnie the Pooh – AA Milne
41. Animal Farm – George Orwell
42. The Davinci Code - Dan Brown (Seriously? America? Seriously? Short attention span theatre, one of the dumbest books I've ever had the displeasure of reading)
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia marquez
44. A Prayer for Owen Meaney – John Irving
45. The Woman in White – Wilkie Collins
46. Anne of Green Gables – LMMontgomery
47. Far From The Madding Crowd – Thomas Hardy
48. The Handmaid's Tale – Margaret Atwood
49. Lord of the Flies – William Golding
50. Atonement – Ian McEwan
51. Life of Pi - Yann Martel (meh)
52. Dune - Frank Herbert (probably all the hype, and the bad versions of the movie but the three times I've tried, couldnt do it)
53. Cold Comfort Farm – Stella Gibbons
54. Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen
55. A Suitable Boy – Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities – Charles Dickens
58.Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddock
60. Love in the Time of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia marquez
61. Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck
62. Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov
63. The Secret History – Donna Tartt
64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65. Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas (infinately better than The Man in the Iron Mask)
66. On the Road - Jack Kerouac
67. Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy
68. Bridget Jones' Diary – Helen Fielding
69. Midnight's Children – Salman Rushdie
70. Moby Dick – Herman Melville (Again, and again and again)
71. Oliver Twist – Charles Dickens
72. Dracula – Bram Stoker
73. The Secret Garden – Frances HodgsonBurnett
74. Notes from a Small Island - Bill Bryson
75. Ulysses – James Joyce
76. The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath
77. Swallows and Amazons – ArthurRansome
78. Germinal – Emile
79. Vanity Fair – William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Possession – AS Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens (Every Year at Christmas since I was twelve!)
82. Cloud Atlas – David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple – Alice Walker
84. The Remains of the Day – Kazuo Ishiguro
85. Madame Bovary – Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry
87. Charlotte's Web – EB White
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90. The Faraway Tree Collection –Enid Blyton
91. Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad
92. The Little Prince (Le Petit Prince) – Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94. Watership Down – Richard Adams
95. A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas (This and The Count of Monte Christo, but please, dop yourself a favor, avoid at all cost The Man in the Iron Mask!!! Leo De Caprio made a film version that was better than the book, you know????!)
98. Hamlet – William Shakespeare
99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl
100. Les Miserables – Victor Hugo (Though I have read Hunchback, TWICE!!! What an amazing author!!!)

assistance?

Mon, 19 Jan 2009 09:11:47 GMT

Good morning LJ friends.

For those of you who may know of such things, I am seeking a mild body cleansing. I have been eating an awful lot of red meat lately, mainly because it is cheap and I am poor. Last night I had a terrible stomach attack that woke me up i the middle of the night, and had me held captive by my toilet for over two hours, in near blinding pain...

...so i am looking to cleanse, as much as possible over the next week. First thing first, no more red meat! and preferably no meat at all.

I have $20to work with, so I am looking to see what can possibly be done on that budget. Here is what I have in my house currently: Rice, Potatoes, some Top Ramen, A bag of Black beans, some Macaroni and chees, a box of Cornbread stuffing, some condiments and some spices, and... 7 POUNDS of ground beef!!!

I invoke thee oh Gods of the Food Network! Unveil to me the pathway to healthy, (and yummy) goodness!!!

Thank you in advance for any suggestions.

So...

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 21:27:57 GMT

... long time no see LJ,

Just wanted to chime in because I have been insanely busy, these past few days/weeks/months compiling notes and contemplating the best way to move forward with my class series, The Hermetic Thread that debuts this evening, through LVX (at an off-site location in Hollywood...)This will only be the second class that I have ever taught, and it is on a subject matter that is at the very core of my approach to the initiatic path. It is a labor of Love, and one that I am hoping to carry into numerous classes over the next year/years, detailing the history of the magickal tradition, its schools of thought and systems of initiation, and its relationships to the Thelemic current we all live and work within today.

I am sorry about a number of you that I was really hoping to see tonight that, for varrying reasons, wont have the opportunity to attend, but also to state the above, that this is a dynamic thread I am exploring, and when part two appears next month, you are more than welsome to come, and attend and discuss the varried threads of the Western Magick with myself, and your fellow brothers and sisters on the path.

My nerves are rattling and my excitement is mounting... I really cannot wait to start this series tonight!!!

Thank you LVX, for giving me the opportunity to explore this part of myself in such a constructive way. And Thank you to everyone who has made this class possible for me, guides and companions on the path, who whether they knew it or not, were all keys to unlocking and unraveling portions of myself essential to the magickian I am today. Thank you to my Lover, who though I dont believe she reads LJ any more, and so may never see this is none the less, a continuing inspiration, who daily, leads me to deeper understandings of my inner light, and life, and for becoming the greatest Love I have ever known.

And thank you to a certain commerado, who I do not tell enough, for liberating my soul, and for setting out with me upon the Golden path so many aeons ago! And for introducing me, in the most tangible way possible, to illumination of Thrice Great Hermes!

Thank you! And I hope to see you tonight!!!

Dude! Today is the best day EVAR!

Sun, 16 Nov 2008 05:20:39 GMT

Today, was such a fabulous day!

Amidst the tragic fire's raging the land, and my lovers absence from my weekend off, I and the loverly lady Pickle had an utterly rich and entertaining day today.

We got up at like 8:30 this morning, took a little time to get ready, and headed down to the local Ralphs to begin our trips, this first step was in preparation for our picnic. We each got a fresh deli-prepared hoagie, and a salad, grabbed some drinks, our sketch pads, and hit the 10. Our destination was the Getty Villa, and aside from a little mishap on the freway, (mine getting on the wrong one) we got there just a little after our scheduled arrival time. We spent the morning amongst the cool ocean air, the beautiful scenery and amazing Grecian gods assembled at Getty's former Ranch house, seriously, if you haven't been, it is quite a sight for vitrtually no $.

We sat together for a good hour in the Villa's herb garden, having our picnic, sketching the local fountains, and foliage, and having a really nice conversation. it never fails to amaze me, what a bright, fun young person, lady_saffir, and anubis75 are raising. After this we finished the upstairs portion of the museum, walked around upstairs, had a coffee, and set off for destination#2, LACMA, on Wilshire.

We got there a little before three, got signed in and went first to the Asian (?) building down on the east end. enjoying the winding corridors, and subtle calming style. At the exhibits peak, we found a rather strange music box, set up to these electronic buttons, that when you pressed, would set these little rubber mallets to ding against these ancient jars in the glass case before us, and filled the exhibit with a very nice ambient music.

Next, because she had never been there before, we walked down to the tar-pits... uh, **Boring!** was the general sentiment, and we soon headed back to finish off the museum proper. We had done the 2nd floor earlier this week with her Mom, and the Hearst Castle exhibit, so we focused on the top two floors, filled with some amazing, Greecian, Egyptian, Hindu and Renaissance Christian work that had my jaw dropping. THey have really filled out the collection since last time I went in '98. We walked across the outdoor bridge and encountered some 'interesting' modern galleries. I am affraid I am not the best cultural afficionado. I really don't get a lot of these modern peices. But, then to top it all off, the Vanity Fair stills were very cool, and very sexy! I Love Annie Liebowitz's work.

Today was a really cool day to be at LACMA, they had live music all over the place, including Dello, Violin and Trumpet players in the crammed little elevators with you, it was seriously neat! Coolest thing we saw musically though, had to have been in the Hindu exhibit, where a Middle Eastern band was improvising, with a huge circle of an audience, beautiful drums, and sitar, and chanting. All underneath that wonderful wooden headress of Kali, if you have seen the exhibit, and surrounded by dancing Shiva's and Ganesha...

After this, it was almost 6pm, we had had a pretty full day, and I wnated to take Pick, to dinner, so we packed up, got the car, and headed over to Versailles on La Cieniga and helped ourselves to some of Cuba's finest. A long ride home, full of smoke and traffic, but I must say, a damn fine selection of music coming out of the radio, we stopped, got fixings, for milkshakes, got home, I had a vanilla, she had a chocolate, we tried to watch a bit of a mvie, but our bodies had other plans. So, she is in bed, and I am here, glowing from the goodness, of the day.

Hoping I find everyone well.
Knowing today, that it is good, to love my life.

~Gentleman

"...Lord I'm one, Lord I'm two, Lord I'm three, Lord I'm four..."

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 04:25:04 GMT

So here is the Good News!

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 21:06:26 GMT

Have been searching all over the Craigslists, and the job boards lately for a new job. And as of 11:30 am this morning, I Havez one!

It is an Inside Sales position in Beverly Hills of all places, right on the corner of Wilshire and Robertson. Its going to be slow going to start until I get a pipeline built-up. But the company has a lot of growth potential! My resume impressed the owners, with my call center manager experience, and my experience as a sales trainer. Its always nice when you start a new job to have the bosses begin, by brainstorming over potential ways to pay you more money Right?!

As for the time being, I am still struggling to make ends meet, some ends more than others. ;-)

So if anyone out there has need of any services I can offer, Thelemic Day-labor is back in full force. Cleaning, Moving etc... Kevin needses some moneys, if you has some yobs. So if you want, or need the help, please, drop me a line.

Thank you all, and have a loverly day!

Um, yeah.... HELP...please?

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 19:12:03 GMT

Has any one ever gotten this message before, when trying to bootup their computer:

Verifying DMI Pool Data ........
Boot from ATAPI CD Rom...... Failure...
Boot from ATAPI CD Rom...... Failure...

GRUB loading, please wait...
Error 17
(Then there is just a blinking cursor, and it wont let me type or do anything. Ther is an option on the previous page top hit Delete and enter set-up)

It comes up during the boot-up, when the PC is checking drives and processors and all that Jazz,

I un-installed Linix from a second harddrive on the comp the other day, and this is my first time rebooting it. Not sure what to make of the message, but it wont let me type anything, and I really would like to be able to get on the computer again.

Any help would be very very appreciated.

For the event of a most excellent Nativity!!!!

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:59:53 GMT

Happy Birthday Lady Saffir!!!!!!

I Freakin Love you!!!!

Jest an update.

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 11:45:35 GMT

Spent several hours at county hospital last night, trying to get my arm looked at. They had an abundance of triage patients and a number of loonies screaming and spewing through the hallways.

After three hours I still hadn't even been called to give me my arm band and prepare me to be registered; I decided to call my ride in and go home. I figure I am gonna go to a more up-scale emergency care over the next couple of days and see if this bump on my arm is really serious. I think the in-flamation of the pain, had a lot to do with the fact that I have been feeling feverish and ill the last couple of days, and my stress level being as high as it was. When I posted last night, I was at the end of a stretch of like 10 days, with over 12 hour days mostly, hardly any sleep, and feeling really over-whelmed and over-worked.

I've just wanted rest... and I got it, to a degree.

This freaking schedule I am working has been tearing me up. My body is not accustomed to it, and it is not at all healthy for me and it is going to stop.

Thank you everyone for the concern, and thanks for letting me vent yesterday.

Now I am going to sleep.

~In Peace.

Sometimes... I just don't fucking get it.

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 00:51:07 GMT

Kevin is feeling ridiculously upset right now. I am working so long... so many hours, transportation is kicking my ass, the hours are leaving me with zero social life... I am making money, looking towards the near future, about things that I may be able to pay off, about things that I want to do... and none of it feels like it makes a lick of difference today.

The feeling... is that I am FUCKED! Completely FUCKED! No matter what I do... working, out of work... not happy with either. There is no balance...I am sick... I've developed these two small knots in my arm, un-like anything I've ever felt before. I've had two people now, tell me that they are tumors, others have said limph nodes... muscle spasms... I dont fucking know! ~They're hot, swollen, they are sore...incredibly sore and burn constantly! I need to make it to the hospital... no insurance... no residence... no money... no time... NO...

I am feeling utterly wretched! Maybe when I get my paycheck Thursday... maybe then, when I can do SOMETHING, anything! Then maybe some of the pain, and stress and ugliness that I am feeling right now will subside...

...I have set myself up into a situation where I literally have no days off anymore, just some days where I work a lot, and other days when I work a hell of a lot! I know from past experience that I am not good in situations like this... where I am stretched so fucking paper-thin... and when my Loved-ones seem to be distraught, or upset... and I am too tired, too weak, to fucked to listen, or to do anything about it... It is just not at all a good place for me.

"Ain't got a home... no place to roam..." Situations are changing... I'm not at all certain where I need to direct my loyalties... this month is so busy... so full of things that I want to do... so full of things that I NEED to do... and I don't know where to put my focus... Jobs, Transportation, Living arrangements, Friendships, Relationship...

I need to stop letting everything pile up on top of me... I need to set small goals, work at them... get some little accomplishments under my belt...

So FUCKING HARD TO DO!!!

I need rest... badly... from it all... I need to be able to clear my head.

Happy dance Happy dance Happy dance

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 02:15:11 GMT

Um... so yeah,

I have a job. Simple, not much money, but its a very steady gig with a company that really needs someone and is looking to hold onto them for a long while. The pay is $10.00 an hour plus commission, average commission is about $100 to $150 a week. So like I said, not much money, but it is Full time work and I am SOOOOOO FUCKING HAPPY to finally be back to work!

So yeah, thats the update. Nice talking to you all. Hope everyone is doing well!!!

Seriously... pretty pissed off!

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 00:25:02 GMT

So I finally had a job scheduled to start today, this morning at ten am to be precise. I got on the train at about 9:30 and was making great time, until the train bypassed the track I needed to be on and started taking me to the wrong end of Hollywood. Apparently I had hopped on the Purple Line instead of the Red Line and had to double back to get to my destination, Hollywood and Vine. I finally got there, unable to call before hand because I was underground, at around tenten... Ten-Ten! I was turned away... I tried to explain... even started to beg this smug blonde, barely legal, son-of-a-bitch in the doorway, which really, really made me feel humiliated.

He said that he cant tolerate late employees and that he needed to make an example out of me... said maybe to try back next week for the next one. I left, got in the elevator, my blood boiling... hurt, angry, confused on how and why this happened... I really needed this job.

I started crying I was so angry, felt it boiling up in my throat, started screaming... saw white, and before I knew it, had broken my right hand again beating the hell out of the inside of their elevator.

Guess I showed them.

So here I am again...

Thank you Z111,

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 01:33:00 GMT

Fabulous distraction... and WONDERFUL to have seen you this last weekend!!!

1. Pulp Fiction (1994)

2. The Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001-03)

~~3. Titanic (1997)~~

4. Blue Velvet (1986)

5. Toy Story (1995)

6. Saving Private Ryan (1998)

7. Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)

8. The Silence of the Lambs (1991)

9. Die Hard (1988)

~~10. Moulin Rouge (2001)~~

11. This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

12. The Matrix (1999)

13. GoodFellas (1990)

14. Crumb (1995)

15. Edward Scissorhands (1990)

16. Boogie Nights (1997)

17. Jerry Maguire (1996)

18. Do the Right Thing (1989)

19. Casino Royale (2006)

20. The Lion King (1994)

21. Schindler's List (1993)

22. Rushmore (1998)

23. Memento (2001)

24. A Room With a View (1986)

~~25. Shrek (2001)~~

26. Hoop Dreams (1994)

27. Aliens (1986)

28. Wings of Desire (1988)

29. The Bourne Supremacy (2004)

30. When Harry Met Sally... (1989)

31. Brokeback Mountain (2005)

32. Fight Club (1999)

33. The Breakfast Club (1985)

~~34. Fargo (1996)~~

35. The Incredibles (2004)

36. Spider-Man 2 (2004)

37. Pretty Woman (1990)

38. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

39. The Sixth Sense (1999)

~~40. Speed (1994)~~

41. Dazed and Confused (1993)

42. Clueless (1995)

43. Gladiator (2000)

44. The Player (1992)

45. Rain Man (1988)

46. Children of Men (2006)

~~47. Men in Black (1997)~~

~~48. Scarface (1983)~~

~~49. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)~~

50. The Piano (1993)

51. There Will Be Blood (2007)

52. The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad (1988)

53. The Truman Show (1998)

54. Fatal Attraction (1987)

55. Risky Business (1983)

56. The Lives of Others (2006)

~~57. There's Something About Mary (1998)~~

58. Ghostbusters (1984)

59. L.A. Confidential (1997)

~~60. Scream (1996)~~

61. Beverly Hills Cop (1984)

62. sex, lies and videotape (1989)

63. Big (1988)

64. No Country For Old Men (2007)

65. Dirty Dancing (1987)

66. Natural Born Killers (1994)

67. Donnie Brasco (1997)

68. Witness (1985)

69. All About My Mother (1999)

70. Broadcast News (1987)

71. Unforgiven (1992)

72. Thelma and Louise (1991)

73. Office Space (1999)

74. Drugstore Cowboy (1989)

75. Out of Africa (1985)

7~~6. The Departed (2006)~~

~~77. Sid and Nancy (1986)~~

78. Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)

79. Waiting for Guffman (1996)

80. Michael Clayton (2007)

~~81. Moonstruck (1987)~~

82. Lost in Translation (2003)

~~83. Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn (1987)~~

84. Sideways (2004)

~~85. The 40 Year Old virgin~~

86. Y Tu Mamá También (2002)

87. Swingers (1996)

~~88. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)~~

89. Breaking the Waves (1996) -- one of my all time favorite movies

90. Napoleon Dynamite (2004)

91. Back to the Future (1985)

92. Menace II Society (1993)

93. Ed Wood (1994)

~~94. Full Metal Jacket (1987)~~

95. In the Mood for Love (2001)

96. Far From Heaven (2002)

97. Glory (1989)

98. The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999)
99. The Blair Witch Project (1999)
100. South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut (1999)</b>

Dude!

Sun, 08 Jun 2008 17:37:34 GMT

I'm not usually that big a fan of claymation, but I came across this this morning and am wondering if anyone is familliar with what tv show this is:

Kinda disturbing... very compelling, I couldn't take my eyes of it, and the music...